July 2009
too bad you're transparent
just so i never forget the coldest thing you’ve ever said to me in 5 years. i wish i could decide if i hate you for being a bitch, or if i hate you because you’re right. either way, you’re still a bitch.
12:02am 28 July 2009
“U are nothing to me anymore. Yer fucking empty and i literally hate what you have become.”
Sometimes I wish you would just tell me if I...
ourforever:
(via blogsecret)
“ The fact that a believer is happier than a sceptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.” — Preface to Androcles and the Lion
hazards of love.
i have blown over $300 on records in just this month. I can’t stop.
Right now i’m listening to Hazards of Love. Knowing this was the last concert Suzanne ever saw (& Stephen told me she was sober; still loved it), and coincidentally the CD she had in her car…
The last record she ever heard…
makes it really difficult to listen to. i’m not even through the...
on a tuesday?
sean is doing worse than ever before. almost two weeks in and it’s one thing after the other. i hope he doesn’t need additional surgeries. i hope his hematoma’s over his kidneys heal. i hope his veins rid themselves of the infections and clots in his left arm. i hope his small intestine heals. i hope he gets the fuck out of there.
i dont want to talk about it ever again,...
just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there.
i don’t understand you. really, i don’t. how many times can i tell myself i am through with you, with the games, and the waiting, and the back and fucking forth? i felt your heart within my skull once, trying to steady mine to match the rhythm of yours. clearly it never was beating for me, you tricked me all along. all i do is tell myself i shouldn’t be with ____, and feel...
we can get naked together, take a turn and its...
there is this boy that i found sweet sometimes i crawl under his covers late at night we don’t fuck, we barely speak he just wraps me in his arms real tight and when he breathes on the back of my neck, when he brushes my skin against his…
it felt so good to hear your voice last night. i never want to hear you cry, but i do believe in you and your strength. and to hear you say you miss me? my god. i had to inhale on my cigarette to keep from crying. do you realize what you do to me? no, you have no idea. the shivers. the shakes. the memories feel so real i can taste you still.
and at 3am, if i curl up just right, sometimes,...
oh you handsome devil.
i want to cross the boundaries i have limited myself to. i want to cross the line. and i dont give a fuck about ever coming back, i am not the same person now. everything feels foreign and uncertainty is kissing the hairs on the back of my neck, sweet whispers echoing through my silenced ears. i will not listen to the nagging pitch of in 7/8ths time in the back of my head, i will not run, i will...
turn it up.
i just want to turn my brain and heart off, and most importantly, my body on.
you were the death of me.
i have no interest in girls lately. what have you done to me?
have you no regrets?
him, her, him him him, a little bit of her memory. back and forth. i miss you. there is no other way to describe the anxiety of your absence. i shouldn’t miss you, i shouldn’t care about you, i should let you go like you did me… but i can’t. and you’ll never know how much i cared, because you never wanted to. i’m glad i was a convenient excuse to feel...
we will never get last year back. now i toast to the memory of us.
i still don't believe you're gone.
my new record player came last week. i’m straight flipping side to side, and with every turn i am breathing in your memory. you will never know how much you shaped my life; and thats because i never told you. and now you are gone.
today is your rememberance party. we will all drink to you and your taste and your love. i want to be there…. but i dont. i just want to be in nyc...
i know it's over.
i know it’s over and it never really began but in my heart it was so real it’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate it takes strength to be gentle and kind over, over, over, over. Love is Natural and Real but not for you, my love not tonight, my love
LOVE IS NATURAL AND REAL but not for such as you and i, my love